Despite the many places going from Extended Community Quarantine (ECQ) to General Community Quarantine (GCQ) or Modified ECQ, little has been said by our policymakers about the mental health effects of the last two months of lockdown. In this first of a series of posts, we provide some tips on how to survive being in the company of others 24/7 due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
It's been more than two months since various forms of quarantine was implemented across many parts of the Philippines. While under quarantine, many of us have been surrounded 24/7 by family members or housemates. Given these conditions, even the best of friends or the strongest marriages and families can experience an unusual level of stress in dealing with each other. Not only is there a lack of personal time and space for many of us stuck at home, but the events of the first few months of this year have been traumatic for both individuals and society as a whole.
If things have been mostly smooth sailing for you, then either you are a hermit or you should consider yourself very lucky. Anecdotal evidence from among my own friends and family suggests that the number of conflicts between family members or people sharing a home or apartment have gone up since we've been in lockdown.
The good news though is that while interpersonal conflicts are unavoidable, there are steps that you can take to avoid these conflicts to begin with, or to make them less severe when they do happen.
Here are some practical tips from our staff at Halcyon that has proven to be effective:
1. Don't dwell too much on things you cannot control
Discussing the effectivity of a quarantine, whether or not a liquor ban in your city is a good idea, or whether the police chief was right or wrong in hosting a birthday party are topics that, while relevant to all of us, are also a breeding ground for disagreements between people living under the same roof. And while expressing one's opinion and being heard by others can often feel good, my suggestion would be to drop the topic once you sense it is heading into a full-on "me versus you" situation.
Instead, spend your energy and time discussing things you can directly influence, like some of the points discussed below.
2. Encourage openness about mental health in your household
Encourage one another, especially the younger or shy ones in your household, to express to one another how you're feeling in general about the quarantine situation. Make a commitment to provide a safe space for each individual to discuss their thoughts and remind them that you are all in this together.
Openness with each other is a great avenue through which you can provide others with early warning signs of what you yourself are going through and how they can best respond to your needs. Reassure one another that taking care of and discussing your mental health is not a sign of "being crazy" or "a softie". In fact, quite the opposite: the ones that recognize that mental health is just as, if not more important than physical health during this time are the ones that will come out stronger once this pandemic is over.
Discussing your feelings of worry about your job, for example, at the dinner table with your spouse and adult children, may encourage them to be more supportive in your budget tightening activities. After all, explaining to the members of your household why you're asking them to set the aircon a few degrees higher rather than saying "because I said so" is more likely to foster understanding and cooperation from them.
3. Discuss what situations are and aren't comfortable to be in
With nerves being frayed by the uncertainties of this period, the constant barrage of news, and the seemingly endless extensions to quarantine conditions, you may find yourself being a lot more sensitive to certain situations than you used to. Discuss these situations with your household and encourage them to share the same thoughts with you.
For example, if you've had to shut your business temporarily during quarantine, and talking about what will happen to the business after ECQ is making you feel very uncomfortable, say this openly to the members of your household. It may well be that for the time being, you will only be discussing and making plans with your spouse and not get the children involved like they normally would. And at the same time, if the opposite is true - you're comfortable discussing these economic difficulties with your children - be open and vocal about this.
By discussing what is and what isn't comfortable for you, you're drawing boundaries for yourself and are letting the others in your household know what those boundaries are. This will allow them to support you in a way that you need and will also allow you to do the same for them.
4. Establish a daily routine for yourself and your household
This may be in the form of late afternoon walks together (with masks and while social distancing, of course), meals together at predetermined times, or a self-care routine for yourself in the form of sitting down to read a book or soaking in a nice warm bath at a specific time.
In doing this, you are establishing some stability in your and their lives at a time when almost everything else is uncertain. Having even a little control over an otherwise uncontrollable situation can do wonders for your own mental well-being.
Conclusion
These four things aren't "silver bullets" that will magically turn an otherwise anxious time for all of us into a magical wonderland. However, they can certainly soften the blow of this Coronavirus pandemic and will set you up to better cope with the "new normal" once the quarantine is lifted.
Watch out for part 2 of this series where we discuss how to deal with heightened emotions in others during the pandemic.
Comments